It's Complicated

Ahhhh... dating!  Where do I start?  Better yet, "when do I stop?"  Over the last few years I have had opportunities to date some very beautiful men, and I don't mean in the sense of build, height, perfectly structured cheekbones and pearly white teeth; but figuratively, beautiful people, souls.. beings.  It seems that every time my relationship turns from causal to serious, I press pause.  I am somehow distracted by nonsense, "he's just too nice" (who says that anyway), "look at his long arms", or "ewww, does he really like that stupid music?"

Excuses.

Don't get me wrong, there are those I have met that are friggin' jerks.  There are always those.  You know the type, "I am going to make you let your guard down for me", "allow me in to help you open up", "I would never hurt you."  Bullshit.  And I say that with the mildest sense of frustration and animosity because despite popular belief, I am not one of those "angry women."  In fact, I've come to realize that the blame for this dilemma lies with me, not men.  I have attracted this mess of a scenario.  Yes, perhaps he didn't have to feed into my desperate "last" attempt at finding the whole package, but if I hadn't jumped out there so eager to "upgrade" this option would have never presented itself.  What's an upgrade anyway?  Who said one is greater than another? No such thing.  Still, I can't help but asking, why this cycle in my life... again?  Why can't the beautiful men incorporate some of the ju-ju that the jerks embody?  Why can't the perfect match be that simple? Oh because then... then I'd have the perfect package, right? Wrong! Truth is I'd find a way to make the perfect package a beautiful bore or jackass of a jerk. Don't we always?!

Confusion.

I swear growing up I never imagined dating would turn into the Hunger Games.  It is like survival of the fittest and boy have I learned to armor myself with "strong," but I don't want to have to put up a guard anymore.  For once, I'd like to genuinely share my wholehearted happiness, my bottom of the barrel sorrow, my universal excitement, my finicky anxiety, and my glowing essence, with someone who feels as deeply for me as I do him.  How do I shed my shield and allow happy to find me instead of me resisting it?  Surely not all of my beautiful men can be so bad!  There's a saying that goes something like, "When the problem keeps persisting, look at the common denominator."  Well, I guess that'd be me.  But does that mean I am flawed?  Is this part of the process of life and love?  If this is part of the process, why do some people figure it out long before others?

I've come to realize that the answer is simple; change your mind instead of trying to change the man. No one is perfect, but there's someone who will be perfect for you, for me, if we simply allow them to be. Give it a try! I know I am.

Posted in: abundance, Acts of Service, advice, cheating, loyalty, relationships, self help, self love, sex