Hall Pass: Should I Allow Him to Cheat

Some of you may have read that title like, what?  But reality is, some women allow their men a pass to cheat on special occasions, like say, their birthday and they call it a Hall Pass.  What do you think about handing out a hall pass to your man?

Here's what I would have to say about it.  While I am not one to judge one's union, I feel that usually the hall pass is discriminatory.  As I explained above is normally allows the man to wander while you, the wife(y), sits at home waiting on him to finish up in the streets with some random.  How will that really make you feel when he's leaving the house to do heavens knows what with heaven knows whom?? Besides, that's just not fair in my book!  And while I am not one to claim women should have set the same parameters (in life) as a man, I am suggesting that something of this magnitude seems a bit one-sided.  If you're a man reading this article, ask yourself this, "why do I think I am the only one that might crave some variety?"  That in itself is part of the issue, wanting variety, wanting to scratch an itch, wanting to be greedy.  When you decide to settle down, shouldn't the taste for multiple flavors be greatly diminished? Otherwise, why are you settling? And that bit of desire that burns for adventure and excitement, shouldn't that be something that you and your significant other work to liven up together?

In Hollywood especially, we are beginning to hear a lot about the celebrities with open relationships and I must say, they seem to be working out "better" for them than traditional ones, but do we give persons in those type of roles different standards to live by?  I mean the average man isn't confronted with new challenges multiple times a day like the celebrity men are.  Also, an open relationship gives the hall pass to both parties, so it seems a bit more even keel, or does it?  Does it actually degrade the woman for even wanting someone outside of her beau? 

Personally, I think that when going into a relationship/ marriage, these things (much like a pre-nup) needs to be sorted through in the beginning.  Ultimately the decision is up to the both of you, but I urge you to think long and hard before you agree to a hall pass because once that door is opened, you cannot close it and once your heart and union is broken, your pass is as good as divorce papers.

Read more »

Scandal: Should I Stay If He Strays

If you’re like me and the rest of America, you’re probably hooked on ABC’s Scandal.  Kerry Washington is such a dynamic woman both on screen and in real life, which is why we gasp when her character, Olivia Pope, is in trouble and cheer when she is victorious in helping her clients.  When it comes to Ms. Pope’s private affairs, we somehow seem to side with her as well, clutching our blankets when she and Fitz are face to face and secretly hoping they can make time for a quickie before “Mrs. Fitz” arrives.  I must admit, like you, I applaud this raunchy behavior (shame on me).  But shouldn’t we find it contrary that we despise cheating in real life, yet secretly hope for Olivia Pope and Fitz to be together on television?  I suppose it’s because we view Olivia being a “better candidate” for the President.  After all, we have formed this alliance with Ms. Pope that naturally encourages us to favor her, right? Or perhaps we merely enjoy the 15-second adrenaline rush it gives us to see them strip and push one another against the walls of the White House.. scandalous!  Is this reason enough for us to abandon our ideals of marriage and discard our beliefs in taking vows? This led me to think, is there ever a reason for a married man or woman to cheat?  Ha!  Of course not, too easy right!  But furthermore, is there ever a reason for one to stay with a cheater like Mellie “Mrs. Fitz” Grant has done?

Now I know some of you are wondering how in the world I could even ask such a thing, but this is an honest question; is there EVER a reason for one to stay once their spouse has strayed (I rhymed)? 

You’ll probably be surprised to hear my response, but here it is… in short, yes. Give me a second to explain.  There are so many layers to a relationship and although infidelity is wrong, people have far bigger issues than what appears on the surface.  Yes, cheating is wrong and a sin might a mind you, but we are human and as humans we sometimes make mistakes.  We are sometimes weak and we sometimes mess up especially when you throw issues in the mix like intimacy, children, finances, and plain ol’ contentment a.k.a. laziness.  People fall off the bandwagon and usually there’s some random ass Olivia Pope waiting in the wing. 

My best piece of advice actually comes from Actors Tisha Campbell- Martin and Duane Martin.  I recently saw an interview with them and they explained how they have stayed together over 17 years.  According to the Martins, you must first take time for yourself as husband and wife, because if you aren’t happy, no one is.  Now I’ll toast to that!

Read more »

The Cheating Scale: Ain't Nobody Got Time For That

So I was reading a site that talked about this "cheating scale."  Psssssshhh... What in the world is a cheating scale?  Basically, the site is a designated "safe space" for women to talk to a man about their relationship issues, but I ask you again... what is a "cheating scale?"  According to the blog I read, it is the degree to which cheating is acceptable or tolerable I would say.

That makes me ask... is some cheating better than other cheating?  I'm so confused.

You see in my book, faithful is faithful and infidelity is infidelity.  I cannot outline the perimeters of another relationship, but what I will say is when you set those boundaries... THAT'S IT!  Ain't no cheating scale (please excuse my ebonics)!  Sheesh, people come up with the most ridiculous crap which serves only them when it is convenient for them.  Don't you despise that?

All I have to say to that is know what you are getting into when you date, propose, engage, or marry someone.  Again, I cannot say what is appropriate, acceptable, or tolerable
in your relationship, because while I may not care if my man watches porn, for example, you just might.  However, once you agree to those terms of the relationship (you, meaning both of you), don't let this fool slide by saying, "well, I only let her please me, I didn't touch her."

Ain't nobody got time for that!

Read more »

Open Relationship, What?

Was it me, or did we all hear Evelyn openly tell Chad it was ok to cheat once they were married as long as she knew first hand? Like Tamar Braxton would say, "Wha Wha Wha Whaaat?" I could hardly believe it. Is this what relationships, more importantly, marriages are becoming? I am not knocking anyone who decides to have an open relationship. I mean, it isn't for me, but a relationship is not a marriage. Isn't opening your marriage the complete opposite of what a marriage represents? Webster's definition of marriage states: the state of being united to a person of the opposite sex as husband or wife in a consensual and contractual relationship recognized by law. Keyword, "a," meaning a single man or a single woman!

Are we becoming so brain washed by society and "reality" TV that we are overlooking the important things in a union? Sure it looks fabulous to see Ev sporting the latest LB's and it is cool to see Chad buy her the coolest car on the lot, but at what cost are you willing to pay for these things? Infidelity? Is there some sort of rule that tells women if they do not have a serious, committed relationship by 35 to take the highest bidder? I'm confused. When did this become ok? And the fact that she was not happy to have to tell Chad to "keep it real with her," only confirmed in my head that she is merely settling?! Really Girl?

As they say, you can't knock it 'til you try it, but since that isn't in my future plans I'm going to have to rely on the accounts of Jada Pinkett-Smith, Emily B, and Karrueche. Doesn't seem like a picnic to me, hmmm. This raises another issue; if your mate cheats, do you leave or stay? You maybe surprised at what I'd have to say about that, but check back to see what I think.

What are your thoughts on an open marriage?

Follow my blog with Bloglovin

Read more »