Hall Pass: Should I Allow Him to Cheat

Some of you may have read that title like, what?  But reality is, some women allow their men a pass to cheat on special occasions, like say, their birthday and they call it a Hall Pass.  What do you think about handing out a hall pass to your man?

Here's what I would have to say about it.  While I am not one to judge one's union, I feel that usually the hall pass is discriminatory.  As I explained above is normally allows the man to wander while you, the wife(y), sits at home waiting on him to finish up in the streets with some random.  How will that really make you feel when he's leaving the house to do heavens knows what with heaven knows whom?? Besides, that's just not fair in my book!  And while I am not one to claim women should have set the same parameters (in life) as a man, I am suggesting that something of this magnitude seems a bit one-sided.  If you're a man reading this article, ask yourself this, "why do I think I am the only one that might crave some variety?"  That in itself is part of the issue, wanting variety, wanting to scratch an itch, wanting to be greedy.  When you decide to settle down, shouldn't the taste for multiple flavors be greatly diminished? Otherwise, why are you settling? And that bit of desire that burns for adventure and excitement, shouldn't that be something that you and your significant other work to liven up together?

In Hollywood especially, we are beginning to hear a lot about the celebrities with open relationships and I must say, they seem to be working out "better" for them than traditional ones, but do we give persons in those type of roles different standards to live by?  I mean the average man isn't confronted with new challenges multiple times a day like the celebrity men are.  Also, an open relationship gives the hall pass to both parties, so it seems a bit more even keel, or does it?  Does it actually degrade the woman for even wanting someone outside of her beau? 

Personally, I think that when going into a relationship/ marriage, these things (much like a pre-nup) needs to be sorted through in the beginning.  Ultimately the decision is up to the both of you, but I urge you to think long and hard before you agree to a hall pass because once that door is opened, you cannot close it and once your heart and union is broken, your pass is as good as divorce papers.

Read more »

Scandal: Should I Stay If He Strays

If you’re like me and the rest of America, you’re probably hooked on ABC’s Scandal.  Kerry Washington is such a dynamic woman both on screen and in real life, which is why we gasp when her character, Olivia Pope, is in trouble and cheer when she is victorious in helping her clients.  When it comes to Ms. Pope’s private affairs, we somehow seem to side with her as well, clutching our blankets when she and Fitz are face to face and secretly hoping they can make time for a quickie before “Mrs. Fitz” arrives.  I must admit, like you, I applaud this raunchy behavior (shame on me).  But shouldn’t we find it contrary that we despise cheating in real life, yet secretly hope for Olivia Pope and Fitz to be together on television?  I suppose it’s because we view Olivia being a “better candidate” for the President.  After all, we have formed this alliance with Ms. Pope that naturally encourages us to favor her, right? Or perhaps we merely enjoy the 15-second adrenaline rush it gives us to see them strip and push one another against the walls of the White House.. scandalous!  Is this reason enough for us to abandon our ideals of marriage and discard our beliefs in taking vows? This led me to think, is there ever a reason for a married man or woman to cheat?  Ha!  Of course not, too easy right!  But furthermore, is there ever a reason for one to stay with a cheater like Mellie “Mrs. Fitz” Grant has done?

Now I know some of you are wondering how in the world I could even ask such a thing, but this is an honest question; is there EVER a reason for one to stay once their spouse has strayed (I rhymed)? 

You’ll probably be surprised to hear my response, but here it is… in short, yes. Give me a second to explain.  There are so many layers to a relationship and although infidelity is wrong, people have far bigger issues than what appears on the surface.  Yes, cheating is wrong and a sin might a mind you, but we are human and as humans we sometimes make mistakes.  We are sometimes weak and we sometimes mess up especially when you throw issues in the mix like intimacy, children, finances, and plain ol’ contentment a.k.a. laziness.  People fall off the bandwagon and usually there’s some random ass Olivia Pope waiting in the wing. 

My best piece of advice actually comes from Actors Tisha Campbell- Martin and Duane Martin.  I recently saw an interview with them and they explained how they have stayed together over 17 years.  According to the Martins, you must first take time for yourself as husband and wife, because if you aren’t happy, no one is.  Now I’ll toast to that!

Read more »

The Code of Conduct for "Stay Over" Lovers

I was listening to the Kane Show yesterday morning and heard an interesting topic; The Code of Conduct for Stay Over Lovers. I thought it was interesting and decided to give my 2 cents, because, well… that’s what I do!

Over the years, more people are moving away from traditional relationships and opting for friends with benefits, if you will. If that is the case, the question is raised; what is the code of conduct for you as a stay over lover? For instance, do you have the grounds to say anything about how the house functions, its cleanliness, or how loud the neighbors are? Hmmm. Let’s explore some of the concerns of stay over lovers:

1. Are you entitled to a dresser drawer? No. That only comes with wifey or hubby status.

2. Can you use the DVR? Sure, you can use it, but do NOT delete anything. It may be ok to record a program if you are over so much that you are missing your television shows, but don’t tamper with the existing ones. That’s grounds for dismissal. LOL

3. Can you put your things in their laundry? Absolutely not. You may be stretching it to even use their washing machine. If you are merely a “friend” with benefits, there is no need to remotely move yourself in.

4. Can you dictate where their pets sleep? I’d say no, UNLESS the dog or cat is trying to sleep in the bed WITH you. Then you have the right to say, “Hell no!”

5. Can you complain about home décor (how to couch looks, the way the pictures are hung)? Again, this is something that a girlfriend or boyfriend would more so address. You can certainly say something, but it is no guarantee that a thing will change. Sorry, you’re just not that important.

6. Can you have a toothbrush in their bathroom? A toothbrush, maybe. All your other crap… absolutely not. Your lover will know you are trying to mark your territory and that totally defeats the benefits of having a carefree relationship. *tisk tisk*

7. Can I stay the night? Since you are actually a “friend,” I’d argue that actually staying the entire night is ok because you are a bit more than a booty call, but don’t wear out your welcome. Make sure you’re not lingering too long once the alarm sounds.

If these answers seem harsh to you, perhaps you should reconsider what it is you really want out of your “friend.” A true friend with benefits have very little or no rights over her lover and his/ her possessions. You are only entitled to have sex and go, simple as that. Know your place!

Read more »