Before You Dump Him, Take a Look At The List!

Relationships are such rollercoasters. Sometimes they are good, great, or even out of this world. But at other times, they are... well not so pretty. Look at Kim Kardashian and Reggie Bush (splitsville), or Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony (divorce... again), well.... you get the idea. Contributing factors like carelessness, 'not thinking,' or rushing into things are usually the culprits of these highs and lows, but what happens when you reach your boiling point? I suppose the answer to this question could go many ways, but what I want to know is, is there a formula... a formula that could weigh the limitations of a relationship with all things considered (the time you've known one another, the amount of hours invested, the degree of care, love and concern on both parties behalf, etc) Shhh... I wish.

We already know that's wishful thinking, but there is something else. Think back to Tyler Perry's movie, "Why Did I Get Married." In that movie, Janet Jackson coached her girlfriends about "the list." "The list"was simply a piece of paper, divided into two halves. One side consisted of the pros of the relationship while the other listed the cons. As simple as it sounds, it is effective. It is an elementary way of taking a glance at cause and effect. No love formula is truly fool proof, but if you are having doubts about your relationship, why not take a direct look at the issues in a controlled way, without being hasty. Instead, evaluate what's important. Maybe the cons on the list will not be as dire as you thought they were and perhaps the pros are so much more substantial than the cons. Wouldn't you feel silly if you threw a relationship away over dirty dishes?

The lesson here is, never react on emotion, but be constructive with those feelings... write them down, take a look, and make a decision. Sometimes that's the very thing that will hinder a good relationship from growing.

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The 80/20 Rule

Tyler Perry’s “Why Did I Get Married,” brought awareness to the 80/20 Rule, but it has always been around. Have you ever really thought about it yourself? With so many marriages ending in divorce nowadays, it has become a habit of mine to investigate the causes, so I explored the 80/20 Rule. I am not married yet, but in my perfect little world, I will only be walking down the aisle once. What about you?

For those who do not know about the 80/20 Rule, let me give you a brief education. The 80/20 Rule is a way that some analyze relationships. The 80 represents the 80% of respect, loyalty, excitement, necessities, etc., that we get in a healthy relationship. The 20, however, is the 20% we feel is missing. Usually, when you find a good partner and commit to a healthy relationship, he or she will have at least 80% of what you want and need. On the other hand, the things that are missing (the 20%), the sexy 6 pack abs, the sexy high heel collection, the freaky pillow talk, for example, are sometimes missing in our relationships, but possessed by other individuals. In my opinion this gives partners a false sense of wholeness from another man or woman outside of your relationship, which is why it can and does lead to cheating, in some cases. People are beyond misled by the appeal and newness of the next person and deluded to believe that “Ms. New Booty” has it ALL simply because she can fill a void at the moment that you are feeling vulnerable.

Why?

It is simple, we are programmed (or spoiled I should say), to have our way and get the things we want, need, and desire whenever we so choose. When two people come together in a relationship, you have to understand that sometimes those requirements are compromised due to the consideration of your partner. It is the “selfish person” that always wants what he or she doesn’t have; they taint the formula and infidelity is introduced into the relationship. Now understand that infidelity is not limited to sex, it can be inappropriate flirting, emotional stimulation, as well as sexual encounters. Whatever the degree of cheating, the point is, the 20% is found elsewhere. But as the saying goes, “all that glitters ain’t gold!” Sure that woman looks good, but does she know how to run a company like your wife, or cook like your girlfriend, or make you smile like your husband? Is that man at the gym worth the trouble of you losing your relationship because you wanted a back rub? Think about it.

While you’re sitting beside your “80” tonight, be thankful for them. Think of ways to make that “80,” a “100.” Don’t forget to look at yourself, because we can all stand to improve in some area of our life. Keep reading AskHeatherG, I’ll upgrade you!

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