Hall Pass: Should I Allow Him to Cheat

Some of you may have read that title like, what?  But reality is, some women allow their men a pass to cheat on special occasions, like say, their birthday and they call it a Hall Pass.  What do you think about handing out a hall pass to your man?

Here's what I would have to say about it.  While I am not one to judge one's union, I feel that usually the hall pass is discriminatory.  As I explained above is normally allows the man to wander while you, the wife(y), sits at home waiting on him to finish up in the streets with some random.  How will that really make you feel when he's leaving the house to do heavens knows what with heaven knows whom?? Besides, that's just not fair in my book!  And while I am not one to claim women should have set the same parameters (in life) as a man, I am suggesting that something of this magnitude seems a bit one-sided.  If you're a man reading this article, ask yourself this, "why do I think I am the only one that might crave some variety?"  That in itself is part of the issue, wanting variety, wanting to scratch an itch, wanting to be greedy.  When you decide to settle down, shouldn't the taste for multiple flavors be greatly diminished? Otherwise, why are you settling? And that bit of desire that burns for adventure and excitement, shouldn't that be something that you and your significant other work to liven up together?

In Hollywood especially, we are beginning to hear a lot about the celebrities with open relationships and I must say, they seem to be working out "better" for them than traditional ones, but do we give persons in those type of roles different standards to live by?  I mean the average man isn't confronted with new challenges multiple times a day like the celebrity men are.  Also, an open relationship gives the hall pass to both parties, so it seems a bit more even keel, or does it?  Does it actually degrade the woman for even wanting someone outside of her beau? 

Personally, I think that when going into a relationship/ marriage, these things (much like a pre-nup) needs to be sorted through in the beginning.  Ultimately the decision is up to the both of you, but I urge you to think long and hard before you agree to a hall pass because once that door is opened, you cannot close it and once your heart and union is broken, your pass is as good as divorce papers.

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The 80/20 Rule

Tyler Perry’s “Why Did I Get Married,” brought awareness to the 80/20 Rule, but it has always been around. Have you ever really thought about it yourself? With so many marriages ending in divorce nowadays, it has become a habit of mine to investigate the causes, so I explored the 80/20 Rule. I am not married yet, but in my perfect little world, I will only be walking down the aisle once. What about you?

For those who do not know about the 80/20 Rule, let me give you a brief education. The 80/20 Rule is a way that some analyze relationships. The 80 represents the 80% of respect, loyalty, excitement, necessities, etc., that we get in a healthy relationship. The 20, however, is the 20% we feel is missing. Usually, when you find a good partner and commit to a healthy relationship, he or she will have at least 80% of what you want and need. On the other hand, the things that are missing (the 20%), the sexy 6 pack abs, the sexy high heel collection, the freaky pillow talk, for example, are sometimes missing in our relationships, but possessed by other individuals. In my opinion this gives partners a false sense of wholeness from another man or woman outside of your relationship, which is why it can and does lead to cheating, in some cases. People are beyond misled by the appeal and newness of the next person and deluded to believe that “Ms. New Booty” has it ALL simply because she can fill a void at the moment that you are feeling vulnerable.

Why?

It is simple, we are programmed (or spoiled I should say), to have our way and get the things we want, need, and desire whenever we so choose. When two people come together in a relationship, you have to understand that sometimes those requirements are compromised due to the consideration of your partner. It is the “selfish person” that always wants what he or she doesn’t have; they taint the formula and infidelity is introduced into the relationship. Now understand that infidelity is not limited to sex, it can be inappropriate flirting, emotional stimulation, as well as sexual encounters. Whatever the degree of cheating, the point is, the 20% is found elsewhere. But as the saying goes, “all that glitters ain’t gold!” Sure that woman looks good, but does she know how to run a company like your wife, or cook like your girlfriend, or make you smile like your husband? Is that man at the gym worth the trouble of you losing your relationship because you wanted a back rub? Think about it.

While you’re sitting beside your “80” tonight, be thankful for them. Think of ways to make that “80,” a “100.” Don’t forget to look at yourself, because we can all stand to improve in some area of our life. Keep reading AskHeatherG, I’ll upgrade you!

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